I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
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This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
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I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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