; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
