Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
honey bunches of taint.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
