just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
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He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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