how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Randomize
