Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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