i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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