How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
