omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
