You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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