I got her a Nickelback box set.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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