Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
After tacos, we're chasing women.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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