woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
