i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Randomize
