i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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