Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
