see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
