suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
