hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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