genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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