I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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