please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
