As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
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