You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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