wakey wakey hands off snakey
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
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I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
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In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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