I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
