so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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