everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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