he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
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Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
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I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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