As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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