I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
That accounts for only three of the penises
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
