he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
