Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Are we still banned from the library?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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