Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
