At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
i now understand why vodka
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
