i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
