She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
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