I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
