I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Randomize
