I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
