And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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