4 words: hood of his car
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Randomize
