if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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