OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
