Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
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