I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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