Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
there is glitter all over my balls
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
