Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
It's official drugs can't kill me
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
