he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
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