...so i touched it.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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