I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
