I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I got inside last night via doggy door
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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