I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
