I think I died a long time ago.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Randomize
