At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
