My underwear smells like fireworks.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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