Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
