I got chris browned last night
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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