Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
