Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
