I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
