walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize