I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
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