Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
