Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
