I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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