help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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