why didn't you poke me back
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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