just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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