chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
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