my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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