kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
