did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
